Author Archives: Leslie Vorndran

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About Leslie Vorndran

Join me as we explore all facets of this joy-filled life!

Between Mary and Martha

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There is a story in the Bible about two sisters: Martha and Mary. We hear about them often: Jesus and friends came to visit their home. Martha worked like crazy, cleaning, cooking, playing hostess. Mary sat at the feet of Jesus and listened to her teacher. Martha complained to Jesus about Mary’s unwillingness to help. Jesus chided Martha, encouraging her to be with Him while she could.

This story is often retold with a measure of guilt, reminding us to give God our quiet time and not rush about, worrying over trivial matters. Fair enough. I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner today and have a laundry list of tasks to complete, not to mention the mound of laundry waiting to be folded. I need to channel my inner Martha, indeed. But I’m not. I’m also not really following Mary’s example, either.

This past year has left me sitting somewhere between the listening, receiving Mary and the diligent homemaker, Martha. I stopped working when my daughter was born a year a half ago and was thrilled to step into a new role as a stay-at-homer. Then I tore my ACL and had knee surgery while my baby was learning to sit. My little family and I sat at home on Thanksgiving and ordered Chinese take-out. In the midst of my recovery, I repeatedly dislocated my shoulder; that surgery was scheduled a week after my daughters’ spring birthdays. Another six months later, I packed up, traveled to an orphanage in Honduras, and returned home broken on the inside.

Now here I sit, day after day, needing to either hop up and Martha my way through the day or open my heart and listen like Mary. I do neither. I am numb. These difficulties have left me broken and poured out. Pretty tough to be filled up when the vessel is in fractured pieces and impossible to pour out when it’s bone dry. Yet, my family, community, Bible study, church, and this Thanksgiving meal need my jar to be whole, in constant filling up and pouring out.

I don’t believe God causes or wants bad things to happen. He didn’t allow my knee to buckle or shoulder to fall out. He certainly doesn’t want those children to be orphaned. God doesn’t desire my vessel, my heart, to be in shattered pieces. He wants to put it all together. Just as I want to help my daughters avoid getting hurt, find solutions, and learn how to make their world better, isn’t that what my Father would want for me? He wants to piece this broken vessel back together, me holding the jagged edges and allowing Him to be the glue. Then, only with my God holding me together, will I be able to be filled up and poured out again.

Mary and Martha, I am your sister in between. As we race into the holiday season, may Jesus wrap His own broken hands around my heart and hold me together. May I be open to all He has to teach and ready to pour out His love to everyone in my path.

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
“Yes, Lord,” Martha replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”
John 11:25-27

Souvenirs

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Upon returning home from vacation, most of us unpack the souvenirs and download our photos that serve as physical reminders of our adventures, but the stories we bring home remain the mind’s delight. The memories make the planning, the budgeting, the packing and unpacking worth the effort. Not the “Let’s remember this moment” variety, but the spontaneous memories that pop up unexpectedly during life’s mundane tasks.
– Folding laundry yet remembering the taste of Chianti and homemade pasta served expectantly in an ancient Etruscan cave-turned-restaurant.
– Standing in a checkout line and taking a mental vacation back to Nice with its perfect weather, invigorating colors, and breathtaking views of the Mediterranean.
– Washing dishes while pedaling a bicycle and laughing hysterically in pouring, soaking rain next to the Chateau at Versailles.

I have been fortunate to travel a good bit, though not as much as I’d like. Paris and Rome, Tuscany and the French Riviera, Poland, the Caribbean, the Baja coast of Mexico are all reflected in the pages of my passport. Thanks to many years of business travel and an adventurous husband, I have driven across the US and back, and visited 39 of the 50 states. I have enjoyed fabulous, pampering spa weekends and “we’ll laugh about this later” debacles that tested my character and my ability to truly laugh later.

I’ve flown with (and been vomited on by) my children and I have given thanks I was traveling without them because the plane I was on would surely go down. Due to a rough pregnancy, I have been sick coast to coast, and can rate airlines, hotels, and airports accordingly. I’ve been the passenger, driver, and caravan leader, even the trunk-popper when the brakes caught fire.

Among the varied travel-related emotions, there is no feeling quite like careening in a metal can seven miles above the earth, and feeling the desperate chasm between yourself and your children. Turbulence be damned, I have prayed and willed my way back to my daughters, sitting at the edge of my seat to be an inch closer and wondering if the trip was worth the ache in my soul.

Except when I left Honduras. I boarded a plane and left behind my children to return to my children. I couldn’t wait to get home, just to shorten the time until I can go again. My heart, now existing in two places, is left in a paradox; I both love and resent my life. I want to fully embrace all the blessings God has given me and my husband in our daughters – the ability to feed and clothe them, to provide them quality healthcare and excellent educations, to meet their needs and desires. Yet I despise our greed and consuming behaviors. I want to educate my family of the world’s ache, emptiness, and needs without burdening them with guilt.

The stories and memories that came home with me from Honduras are more precious to me than any treasure. I wear my inexpensive beaded bracelet and coconut earrings, not as a fashion statement, but as a connection to the love I found at the orphanage. I spent weeks creating my photo album, smiling back at each beautiful face, carefully crafting my words, and selecting Bible verses to bolster my aching heart. But now it sits, untouched, on my bookshelf. I don’t know how to crack it open to share the stories within the pages or within my heart.

Many weeks have passed since my return; the “How was your trip?” niceties have stopped. Unlike other travel memories that bring a smile to my face – walking along the Seine with my beloved, driving the wrong way through a one-way tunnel in Rome, watching the sun rise above the glaciers of Alaska or set past the beaches of Hawaii – the memories from Honduras bring joy, sadness, longing, and pain. It will take quite some time to sort through them, and to know where to put them, what to do with the memories and my changed, broken heart.

In the meantime, the trip replays in my head. I laugh, I well up with tears, I lash out at simple frustrations. I seek, desperately seek, a space where I feel comfortable, torn between two vastly different worlds. When it comes time to unpack my souvenir, my changed heart, I need to know where in the world to place it.

In the Line of Greatness

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We are often told God uses unlikely people to do His greatest work. Abraham was an old man married to an old barren woman, yet God used him to become the father of many nations.

I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” Genesis 22:17-18

How honored Abraham must have felt to hear God tell him of his pending greatness. A bit overwhelmed and humbled, sure, but the human condition must have left him feeling at least a little pleased.

Moses, an orphan with a speech impediment, was used by God as one of the greatest leaders in history. Sure, he missed out on the final moments of his life’s mission to bring the Israelites into the Promised Land, but with God’s help, he had brought them out of slavery in Egypt, across the raging Red Sea, and through years of wandering in the desert wilderness. That takes great leadership, stutter or no.

Then there was David, an adulterer and murderer, who became a great king, lyricist, and poet. Paul, a persecutor of Christians… Unlikelies used for greatness. The list goes on.

When we hear of those who are not so great, it’s easier to discount them. The lowly, the bad parents, the drains on society. One such not-so-great was Rahab, a prostitute living in the sin-ridden city of Jericho. Her story in Joshua 2:1-14 reads like a great action flick.

Rahab was a bit of a mess. She was in the lowliest profession, she lied to the king of Jericho, and she committed treason by hiding spies in her home. And why? Somewhere in her soul there was a seed of faith. A tiny seed planted when she witnessed miracles by God and actions by His obedient followers. She trusted God’s workers, the spies, at their word and did what she thought best to save her family.

James 2:25 asks, “In the same way, was not even Rahab the prostitute considered righteous for what she did when she gave lodging to the spies and sent them off in a different direction?”

The story of Rahab is fascinating. The Bible is our guidebook for laws, grace, and love, yet it tells us of a sinful woman who lied, committed treason, and caused others to sin through her very profession, but then later to refers to her as “righteous.” It’s nothing short of a mystery begging to be unraveled.

Sure enough, her story gets even better when we skip ahead to Matthew 1: the genealogy of Jesus.

Salmon the father of Boaz, whose mother was Rahab,
Boaz the father of Obed, …
Obed the father of Jesse,
and Jesse the father of King David.

Rahab, the great-great grandmother of King David, listed in the genealogy of Jesus. This liar, traitor, prostitute, was a person by all human accounts who should be discarded by society, but when she was offered a tiny seed, she believed. God took the crumpled mess of a woman and He allowed her to be used, not for greatness itself, but in the line of greatness.

I consider Rahab a sister, of sorts. It is only through the seeming randomness of birth – time and place – that I have not suffered a fate as lowly as hers. That any of us haven’t. But I am no less a sinner. My past and daily life are full of poor choices and outward acts of disobedience. Treason against God, so to speak. But if God could use Rahab, He certainly can use me!

During my mission trip to Honduras, we spent ten days helping at the Heart 2 Heart Children’s Village orphanage and school, playing with the children, and truly being fed through their love and warmth.

My heart was shattered as we drove through Honduras, the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, where it is commonplace to find children foraging for food among piles of trash, families living in tarp-covered shacks the size of my minivan, and people burning plastic inside their homes to eliminate bugs carrying malaria and dengue fever. It’s not right, how these people live. The kids at the orphanage seem to be the lucky ones. Removed from their abusive, neglectful parents to be raised in a group home, fed three simple meals a day, and given a Christian education. They’ve got it good!

But what do they do after? When is their opportunity for greatness? They’ll grow up, and what?
Go to college? Not likely.
Be adopted? Not from Honduras, a corrupt country with no ties to the Hague Adoption Convention.
Get a job, find a nice home, and start a family? Hopefully, but the statistics are not in their favor.

Greatness in Honduras and in many parts of our world seems as elusive as clean water and decent medical care.

On our second day at the Village, I came face to face with a heartbreak no mother should experience. I watched a woman bring her five children to the orphanage, sign paperwork, and leave them. Esther, Luis, Johanna, Lorraine, and Naomi range in age from 8 to 1 1/2 – the littlest the same age as my little Audrey. And just like my daughter in strange new environments, little Naomi clung to her mother. I saw the vacant look in the mother’s eyes as she tore out her own heart and prepared to walk away, knowing the orphanage is a better home than the one she was providing full of ill health and abuse. No one should be faced with that choice, yet this woman acted so bravely, knowing she did what was best for her family.

She is just one example of many. People around the world and throughout the ages seem to us to lack the potential for doing anything great. But we aren’t called to judge potential. We are called to obey God’s commands, perform miracles in His name, and plant seeds of faith.

A seed of faith is all Rahab had. She observed God’s people following His commands, performing miracles, and proving His omnipotence. This unholy woman from a town of idolatry and false gods proclaimed, “the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.” She stepped out in faith to protect God’s people and was spared not only her own life but that of her whole family.

As I look back on the people of Honduras and others in similar situations in our world, on the children, on the humble women who tirelessly serve meals to 80 growing children each day, or on the mothers who relinquish their children in that last desperate act of maternal love, I wonder where greatness is happening. Through love and seeds of faith, it is growing. Through people like you and me who are willing to obey God’s call to go or send our resources, God is making a difference. We might never get to see the greatness unfold. But what an honor it is to know everything we do in love – every. little. thing. we do in God’s perfect love – is used to further His kingdom. When we travel to the depths of poverty and oppression, when we collect school supplies or tutor disadvantaged students, when we share the Gospel and our own personal stories of redemption with friends and neighbors, we might never know what seeds are planted or what greatness will unfold, but we have faith God’s kingdom is growing.

So, what do you say? You, me, our questionable pasts, our sin and disobedience, along with the desperate mother, the prostitute, the exhausted missionaries, and everyday seed-planters – Let’s act obediently, in faith, align ourselves with God, and allow His greatness to unfold through us.

Ten Days, What Next?

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Well, it had to come sometime. The big question: What next?

I’ve just had the most transformative experience if my life, aside from giving birth to two children. I prepared for it, thought about it and prayed about it for months, if not years. I took that step of faith and went on a mission trip to Honduras. I held orphans, I shared the love of God, and allowed my heart to be forever changed. But what next?

The trip itself took months to plan, many weeks to raise the money, and several days to pack. But we were only gone for 10 days. Once I was home, I was unpacked within 24 hours. Laundry done and put away within two days. The trip is over. The best I can hope for now is to place an order at Snapfish and relive through my pictures and stories. But even those will get old. What next?

H is for Honduras and Home

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In great contrast to observations from my first six hours in Honduras, I humbly submit observations from my first two days back home:

Ten days sounded like a long time to be away. Now it feels like a joke compared to the long life I have been given and opportunities I have to make an impact in the world.

My emotions waver between numb and raw.

Everyone told me my heart would be changed forever. What they neglected to mention is that I would cry for days on end.

Every child I see here is already fulfilled and seems to be lacking nothing. They aren’t longing for a hug, smile, or kind word.

When asked about my trip, “It was amazing” hardly seems a fitting response, but I don’t know how to reply without telling everything.

I feel angry and bitter, but I don’t know why.

Fresh water from the tap never tasted so good!

My children missed me and I missed them, but none of us felt empty or alone. Praise God for filling our hearts and time until we were together again.

The next forty years of my life are going to be lived a lot different than the first forty!

It’s Been A Busy Week

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As I reflect on the past ten days in Honduras, I thought it wise to chronicle my week before I forget a moment.

What I did in Honduras (hotter, sweatier, dirtier, and happier than I can remember ever being) turns out to be quite a lot…

Held babies that don’t belong to me. Not only orphans, but the children of shopkeepers. Every baby and child I found, I wrapped my arms around or touched their heads, praying over them in my heart.

Organized storage rooms. Dirt-covered floors, jumping spiders, bags of donations, soccer balls, and more all needed to be put in their places. I spent several hours making sense of a space no one wants to enter due to the heat; it had become so disorganized, it was barely functional. Enter my mother’s daughter.
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Played UNO, backgammon, frisbee, jumprope, and basketball among the heat, dirt, and bugs. For a mother of girls, hanging outside with boys aged 5-16 was a rare treat!
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Adonis and Kevin
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Luis, Guillermo, Ezekiel, and Frazen gave me a run for my money at backgammon

Fought off attacks by fireants and pesky no-see-ums.

Filed paperwork for a teacher so busy I don’t know how she keeps her grace. A woman who’s preference is to homeschool her own 4 children, Stephanie lives at an orphanage with 90 kids and manages a classroom of 35+ young teens.

Colored, playdoughed, and stickered with preschoolers. Just like home.
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Estafany loved making a paper selfie.

Made popcorn and poured cold Pepsi for the kids who earned movie time at school. We almost burned out the school’s one small microwave while popping dozens of bags, one at a time.

Sat through Honduran rush hour, was awakened by gun shots, and cuddled in bed with a stranger. Goodbye comfort zone!
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Chopped veggies and chicken, cracked dozens of eggs, and patted cornmeal into pastalitos to feed a small army. Working alongside the tireless house mommies, I learned much about the Honduran culture. 20131004-203138.jpg
Worshipped and sang praise songs in Spanish while attending two very different church services.
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Cried. Every time I have thought about leaving Honduras, I have been overwhelmed with sadness to say goodbye to the people, their culture, and this country, all with which I have fallen in love.

Held children whose parents have abandoned, neglected, abused, and otherwise given up. Some motivations were pure, some were purely selfish. Whatever the cause, their children are left craving love. And for a moment, I was able to give them just that.
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Me with the birthday boy, Carlos.
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Loving on Nicol

Watched a video of my daughter rock climbing in the United States. Technology is awesome!

Shopped at a tiny country grocers, a city tourist shop, and a busy mid-size grocery store. In each, the proprietors were welcoming and kind. I dread going back to my local Safeway.

Rode on a school bus with a hundred sweaty kids and smiled the whole way.
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Ate chicken, rice, and beans until I was chicken, rice, and beaned out.

Started my days with early morning devotions and steaming mugs of Honduran coffee. Through the various perspectives of my team members, I gained a deeper understanding of God’s Word.

Took a half-dozen teen boys to dinner. Our group feasted on grilled beef, pork, chicken, fish, and chorizo, sided by spicy cabbage slaw and chips and beans. Mmmm!

Helped as an assistant teacher for kindergarten through eighth grade classes. We read, sang, learned, and scored together.
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Music time in Beka’s Second Grade class
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Marylin and Dimas trying a fun clapping game I taught Brenda’s “prepa” class (kindergarten).

Brought sick children to a clinic.

Rocked a sleeping baby girl for three hours. With numb arms, back, and bum, I prayed God’s provision and grace for Naomi and her siblings.

Left my son. Guillermo holds a place in my heart that seems carved out for him alone. I was honored and humbled to meet him, hug him, look him in the eyes, but I could not say goodbye. I will be back for that child, in one way or another, God willing.
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Indeed, this has been a 40th birthday celebration unlike any other. Thank you for your prayers of encouragement and support. It has been an honor to journey with you!

Fluency

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Foreign languages. Some people get it; some don’t. My husband needs only spend a day in another culture to pick up the conversational basics (a convenient quality in a travel companion!). Me, not so much. I’ve been “learning” Spanish since high school. Two years of study, plus several classes in college, even a year’s worth during my work in DC.

I always do well enough, but simply don’t progress very far. Being immersed in the language has great benefits. Much has come back to me this week, allowing me to carry on rudimentary conversations with the Honduran nationals. But I’m not fluent and doubt I ever will be.

Several of my friends are native speakers from other countries and learned English as a second language. Across the board, they have said they knew the moment they were fluent in their learned language. It was when they dreamed in English. Their subconscious was now speaking from a different perspective and their thinking, the way their brain processes, will never be the same.

Last night, I awoke in a most comfortable, cozy position. I found myself with my arms wrapped so tightly around my core, it was as if I was hugging someone closer than myself. As I laid in the darkness, my dream flowed to my conscious mind. I had been holding orphans in my embrace.

My perspective has changed. All that is important to me has expanded exponentially to include these children. Now I know my mind is changed forever. My heart is speaking fluently a new language.

Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:13-14

Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.
Psalm 82:3

Naomi

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I am sitting in a rocking chair, holding a baby girl who lost all her security this week. She is the same age as my own daughter, about 1 1/2, and doesn’t even have a blanket to offer comfort.

Naomi’s mother brought her to this children’s home three days ago and left. Unlike many children who arrive, Naomi is fortunate to have her siblings, three sisters and a brother, here. But she is no less terrified. She cries for her mother most of the day and most of the night. She hasn’t been sleeping. She has an unnerving, rattling cough. She is weak, listless, and can barely walk.

As we washed the lunch dishes today, I heard her crying in the nursery (a term I use loosely, only to delineate it as the babies’ room). Naomi was sitting alone, holding a broken baby doll. The caretakers had left her crying quietly, not for lack of concern, but because she cries whenever they hold her. Besides, they have too much mopping, washing, cooking, etc. to rock a baby. Who better for the task than a mother who misses her own? That is, after all, why I came!
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So here I’ve been for over three hours, rocking this sleeping child and pouring into her all the love and comfort I have. What love, strength, and wisdom her mother must have to leave her children here together, giving them their best chance at survival. Such a selfless sacrifice. Years ago, a Father also gave up His Son; not for the child’s survival, but for the salvation of our hearts. These orphans, and their parents, are giving me a deeper understanding of the sacrifice God made for us, His wayward children.

For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

A king’s ransom for my petty soul. How can I not give of myself to His precious ones?

Naomi and her siblings (Esther – 8, Luis – 7, Loran – 5, and Joana – 4) are at Heart 2 Heart temporarily. To stay, they must have financial support, approximately $250 per month to clothe, feed, and educate each child. That’s an added monthly expense of $1,250 for this ministry. If you feel a tug to help the orphanage, please visit H2Hcv.org. Any amount makes a difference – $20, $50, anything. Although these kids aren’t yet on the website, look through the pictures. You will fall in love with all the children, I promise!

Lunch with Luis; the four girls piled on my lap; Esther, the oldest
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Bus Ride from … Heaven

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Much to the chagrin of my fighter pilot dad, motion sickness plagues me. I’ve learned to avoid it by sitting towards the front whenever possible (driving is best), selecting airplane seats strategically, never ever touching carnival rides, and not boarding public buses. Especially hot, crowded buses with multiple stops. But this trip isn’t about me and the transportation isn’t going to cater to my issues.

Our group of 14 has been traveling by van to and from the Children’s Village, school, and our hotel. Each hot, dusty drive takes about 30 minutes. My compatriots have been kind enough to let me sit towards the front, and God has protected me from the first sign of queasiness.

But yesterday, our group was split: 7 at the Village with the van and 7 of us at the school. At the end of the day, our small group hitched a ride on the school bus with the kids… 80 from the Village, 6 adults from the Village, 7 of us, 14 teens that live elsewhere, and a gaggle of local kids who ride the bus to stops along the way. Well over one hundred people on one standard school bus. No air conditioning, no seatbelts. To say we were packed like sardines makes it sound organized. It wasn’t. There were bodies everywhere! Hot, sweaty bodies. Three to four of us piled in each seat, kids climbing across one another in the aisles.

What was also in abundance were smiles, laughter, pure joy. People were singing, battling through thumb wars, sleeping, and enjoying the human crush. Shoved somewhere in the middle of that bus, I sat on the edge of a seat already filled with 10-year old girls. Three boys leaned in from the aisle. We talked and laughed, then watched videos of my “loco” daughters. When time came for our group to disembark 45 minutes later, I was filled with such disappointment. This had been a heavenly bus ride.

Wednesday’s schedule will require us to travel on the same hot, loud, sweaty bus. And I cannot wait!!

A world of difference… First, the bus as I boarded, at about 80% capacity. Second is a shot I grabbed last week on a first grade field trip with my daughter.

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Why Fi

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For all that is a challenge in Honduras, being in touch with my family has been surprisingly simple. Our modest hotel offers free WiFi, providing me contact with home via email, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and this blog.

Each morning I awake just after my own family, who is in a time zone two hours before me. I immediately log in to see what messages and pictures my husband and mom have sent (not enough!). Then I see what’s happening on the social networking sites. I get ready for the day, maybe post a blog post, and check in once more before heading out for a long day. The evening ritual is much the same with me trying to keep pulse on my girls, family, and friends while serving in Honduras.

Sitting at the Children’s Village, we were given the WiFi password to use, in case we needed access during the day. In short order, a few of us grabbed our phones and tried logging in. As I was struggling to get a connection, one of the boys climbed on the arm of my chair, leaned over, and asked, “What are you looking for?”

Indeed. What was I looking for? After waiting months, years to be here in Honduras, I sat surrounded by God’s children, trying to get connected to the world beyond. Convicted, I looked Julio in the eye and responded, “Nothing that can’t wait. I’m here to be with you.” I put away the phone, jumped up, and had a blast pouring God’s love into the kids.