Amazing, talented, truth-telling Glennon over at Momastery posted this on Facebook:
NOTE TO SELF: Quit sweating, staring into the rear-view mirror and yelling,”SILENCE! I have to CONCENTRATE!” at the kids every time a police car is driving behind you. You are not a Mexican Drug Lord. You are a Soccer Mom. In a mini-van. No one is after you. Anymore.
Hilarious (isn’t she always?)! But it was the quote that caught my attention. Made me kinda choke on the truth. My past is chasing me down, hot on my trail to remind me that I have not always been the person I am now. Telling me I am not worthy of the joy and freedom I have found. For all my sins – big and small, forgiven and seemingly unforgivable – I must forfeit happiness.
“Silence! I have to concentrate” on now.
The past with its lineup of stupid (sorry Kiddo, I did just use a bad word) mistakes, unworthy dates, comments I never should have thought much less uttered, poor grades (sorry Dad), and bad bad bad decisions belongs right where I left it. But, just like that clicking noise under the hood, those ugly reminders keep popping up when I’m all alone and vulnerable.
“Silence! I have to concentrate” on the joy.
The problem with allowing memories to creep in is their ability to snake around joy and choke the life out of it. Memories are powerful. Good memories bubble over with laughter, helping us relive the good times. Those “we’ll laugh about this later” memories are often the best, surprising us with life’s twists and turns. But negative memories, those we say are there to teach us lessons. Nah uh. They whisper our shortcomings in our ears, tell us we don’t deserve the life we have. My ugly past robs me of the gifts God has given, gifts of hope, joy, peace.
“Silence! I have to concentrate” on forgiveness.
If I could just let go of my mistakes, I would find ultimate freedom. My husband fell in love with me despite my failures, my children are thankfully ignorant of my life before them, my parents love me unconditionally. And, above all, Christ has forgiven me – for every decision, every word, and every painful denial of Him.
As I work tirelessly to teach my daughters about consequences, guiding them make wise choices they will not regret, I pray they will always face forward, face the Truth that is forgiveness and freedom.
Sing OUT LOUD! I have to concentrate on LIFE!