I have been given the humbling opportunity to pray for a dear friend. She is in her mid-thirties, raising two adorably spunky toddlers, and fighting stage IV melanoma. A stupid mole on her leg got out of control and is trying to steal her life. She is a fighter and so incredibly brave. When she writes about life, her condition, her adoring husband, she is honest, witty, and full of a richness of faith I wish I had.
Last week, I recieved a late night text from our friend-in-common, asking me to pray NOW. Our cancer-fighter was going into an MRI, again, to determine if the disease had infiltrated her brain. The claustrophobia-inducing procedure itself was enough to strike fear into this young woman. But to go in, knowing the results would dictate her life, was beyond what a mother should bear.
Of course I would pray! Pour peace and calm over her. Claim healing. Praise God for His presence. Lift up her husband and family for comfort and renewed faith. Beg God to be merciful and save her life. Down on my knees, I pleaded with the God of the universe to save her, to spare her children the loss of their mother, to rescue this family from death. There was no doubt in my mind He is able. And that night, He did.
“Clean brain scan!!” was the message we recieved an hour later. He did it! He answered the prayers of hundreds of righteous souls, prayer warriors around the world who claimed healing for one woman.
But … Why was I so surprised? What was this doubt creeping in when I should be celebrating answered prayer? What is it about faith that leaves room for doubt?
faith [noun]: complete trust or confidence in someone or something
Complete? Mine is not. I want it to be. I want to banish that tiny seed of doubt, the whisper of lies that say my prayers are not enough. Not enough to call down the power of the Almighty.
I believe Jesus walked on this earth, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, and conquered death. I have faith He still heals and performs miracles today, even though we don’t pay much attention. I believe He told us, “…if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.” (Matthew 17:20). He wants us to bravely perform miracles, too. Through faith in Him. Complete faith.
Yes, I have faith larger than a mustard seed, but I’m afraid there is a crack in it, a fissure as wide as a canyon. How dare I pray for this friend, for others who ask or need it, or even for myself if there is doubt in my faith?? Can I confidently pray for my own cracked faith to be made complete? Can I humbly kneel before God, lay down my imperfections, and ask Him to prove me and my doubts wrong? Despite the fissures, I honestly believe I can and He will. And when He fills that canyon with Truth, it’ll be a mountain of a move.
Amazing testimony. I often have the same struggles of faith and doubt. My prayer often is ‘I believe; Lord help my unbelief!’ And he is gracious that He answers prayers even with hints of doubts. But Faith pleases Him – and I want that! Thanks for the encouragement! God bless!
Breathless I am that you have captured doubt and nailed it to the Cross.
Leslie – what an amazing read! Thank you for sharing. You should check out TigerlilyFoundation.org for your friend with breast cancer. They have support services for young women going through breast cancer.