What am I doing?!? I must be nuts. Starting (another) blog. I can’t keep up with a daily (or even yearly) journal. I never made baby books for my daughters, posted pictures from trips to Paris on Facebook, or even ordered our wedding photo album. But here I go, starting another project. And for what? To set myself up for disappointment? To share my intimate thoughts and feelings with the general public? To open myself to critical feedback (bad idea – my mother will warn of my defensiveness). No, I just want to change the toilet paper.

The toilet paper rollers around this house twirl down to cardboard faster than we can flush. I’m not sure if I buy really sparse rolls (come on, Charmin, bulk it up a bit!) or if we use too much per, uh, use. But, in each of the bathrooms in our house, I estimate I change the roll every other day. Day, night, middle of a thunderstorm, doesn’t matter; it’s always me who changes it. So, sometimes I get fed up and I just don’t. I pull out a new roll and plunk it on the counter. There it waits for someone (always me) to come along later and treat it with due respect. If I’m in a daring mood, I’ll balance it on the old roll that now resembles a mummy in disrepair. But inevitably the new, thick roll will fall off and snake it’s way across the bathroom floor. The ingenuity it takes to reel that puppy back in while staying seated should land me a spot at MIT. Or at least a spot in their restroom.

Admit it, we’ve all been there. Peeling off the last snippets of gauzy paper just so we don’t have to be The Last One. Placing a new roll behind the commode, hoping the next visitor has more time. And then there’s the question of the empty roller. A small piece of cardboard that would go unnoticed in the trash. It’ll decompose someday, won’t it? Nah, better to be recycled. One. More. Step.

Well, here’s the thing. Each time I actually change the paper when it needs to be changed and properly dispose of the roller in our recycle bin, I feel this small thrill of accomplishment. I think, “I just did something. Perhaps I should do something else!” And I almost always do (after washing my hands, of course). I’ll put away some toys, fold laundry, or wash the dishes. Once in a while, I’ll do something crazy like keep going until the house is clean. All because of the toilet paper roll.

I figure this blog is much the same. Typing it out, getting my experiences and emotions organized and entered takes a bit of effort. I’ve been trying to balance my thoughts on my own precarious soul for too long. Each time I write, each time I see myself consolidated into words on a screen, I feel an enormous sense of accomplishment. I am so much more than a clumsy chatterbox who changes toilet paper for a living. I am pertinent. I exist where I am not present. My opinions are worthwhile and open for discussion (especially positive feedback). Yes, I will change that toilet paper roll, again, and then I will write. I hope you will read.